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| This is a face of welfare and food stamps... not exactly what you were expecting, was it? |
I've worked in some way, shape, or form since I was 12 years old. I started babysitting when I was 12. I wasn't old enough to get a work permit, but I still wanted to make my own money. It was hard finding a steady gig at first. I'd substitute for my friend who, for whatever reason, found several steady families. Finally my mother mentioned to a friend that I was looking for a babysitting job. She had a 4 year old and 2 year old set of twins and also worked from home and needed someone to look after the kids so she could get work done. I would go over her house and play with the girls, so she could get work done. I didn't make much, just $3/hr at first, I would get a raise here and there. It didn't matter how little I made, because I was making money that was mine and that I didn't have to ask my parents for. I stayed with them for 5 years, until the oldest was 9 and the twins were 7.
In between babysitting, I also worked on a farm for their Halloween season, when I was 15 and 16. I worked my way up from upkeep of the pumpkin head scarecrows that they had on display, working the games, caring for baby animals, face painting, and finally working the admissions at the front/ running the cash register. I worked hard and proved I was responsible and could be trusted with the money. I don't even remember my starting wage, but it wasn't much. Just the same, it was mine.
Finally, just before my 17th birthday, I got my first "real" job. I started waitressing in an assisted living facility. For almost 10 years, I've been working hard, making my own money, and paying into the system. I remember seeing how much was taken out of my paycheck in taxes. I'll admit it, I was shocked. What did the government need a 17 year old's hard fought dollars for? After the first couple paychecks I got over it. I've continued to work since then, and from 19-21, I worked 2 jobs, sometimes working 7 days a week, while also going to school full time. I will admit that at one point, I didn't work for 8 months after being laid off from one job and waiting for my work-study to start, but I was still living at home at that time, so that was a great help. But in those 9 years, I have worked hard, only calling out of work in the case of severe illness, injury, or family emergency. This past summer was one of those times.
Back in May, I injured my back. There's no clear cut reason as to what caused the injury. It very well could have been overloading my trays at my waitressing job or it could be the fact that one of my legs is significantly longer than the other so I walk unevenly. Regardless of what caused it, I was in agony. I was not able to get out of bed without help, and with help, it still took me an hour to get out of bed. I eventually had to sleep sitting up. It was the only comfortable position, and I didn't struggle to get up as much. I was barely able to walk. All I could do was cry. I was in the emergency room twice in the same week. Two nights out of work turned into a week. One week turned into two. Two weeks turned into a month. Next thing I knew, I was sitting in a neurologist's office being told I needed to go to physical therapy and I wouldn't be able to work for 2 months. I swallowed my fear and tears walked out of that office wondering what I was going to do with myself... how was I going to pay my bills? I had some savings, but only enough to make it through the month. My boyfriend has two jobs, but it's only enough to pay his portion of the bills. Two days later, I swallowed my pride and applied for welfare and food stamps. I knew it was the only way to survive.
I looked up all the information I needed to bring with me and walked into the Transitional Assistance office, completely ashamed of myself. I was handed another stack of forms to fill out and submitted myself to ridicule and scrutiny. I was a pariah... an untouchable. Even though I had no income and my job wrote a letter confirming this, I had to run my accounts down to less than $250, give them every single bill, prove my car was not worth anything, fill out a stack of forms, give them access to monitor my bank accounts, and bank statements. Because that wasn't enough and my bank statements cut off before my accounts ran down below $250, I also had to print out my current transactions from my online bank account. That still wasn't enough proof for the Transitional Assistance office and they told me they didn't know what to do for me. Finally my boyfriend suggested I do a screen shot of my online banking main page. It listed my bank, account #s, the amount of money in each account, and the total of the two, and was time stamped. That finally got their attention. The last piece of information that they needed was a statement that my boyfriend signed stating how much I paid in rent and how much he paid. Finally, they approved me. I got $303.60 in cash assistance, $200 in food stamps, and MassHealth. I was flabbergasted. The food stamps was more than enough, but the cash assistance wasn't even enough to cover my portion of the rent. When I called my case worker, he told me he knows it isn't much, but it was the maximum he could give me since I was technically a family of 1. I asked how I was supposed to pay other bills and he said he didn't know and hopefully I could find a way. Fortunately, my family was able to help me with the rest and I was able to scrape by.
It got me thinking though. Not everybody is as lucky as I am to have family who is able to help. And even if you do have someone to help, you will have to submit yourself to questioning as to how much money they gave you and what it was used for. It could be counted against you if they give you "too much money" even though it's just to make up for the gap in what you got from welfare. People talk so much shit about these so-called system manipulators. I can understand why some people have more kids to get more money. You still won't get everything you need in cash assistance, but if you get more food stamps, you can buy yourself and your kids what you need for food and then "sell" the rest of your food stamps. I know this isn't the right thing to do, but people will do whatever they have to do to survive.
Back to my own experiences. The first time I used my EBT card at the grocery store, I was mortified. I'd heard the things that people said about people on welfare. I felt the cashier and the people behind me judging each and every single item on the conveyer belt. I could barely tell the cashier that I was using food stamps. I couldn't even make eye contact. People would constantly make comments in front of me about bums on welfare. It was very hurtful. My favorite is when they would make their comments and I would tell them I'm on welfare and they would say, "oh you don't count. You've worked your whole life and you needed a little help because you got hurt. YOU'RE different." I would half-heartedly smile. The truth is, how do you know that I'm different? What if I'm not? What if a lot of the people on welfare and food stamps have a similar story or a worse one?
After a while, I got sick of feeling bad about my situation. I have been paying into the system since I was 17, and if I needed help and the system was willing to help me, why not take it? I stopped feeling the shame that society said I should feel for not being able to support myself. I held my head up high and when I swiped my card, I looked them in the eye and told them I was using food stamps. I no longer cared if people judged me for the ice cream on the belt. I also bought a lot of healthy food. What I eat is not their business. I stopped caring if they thought I was a bum. I know who I am and what I'm doing. Their words do not define me, only my actions can do that. True or false, people will say what they want. It's my job not to internalize and know that it has nothing to do with me. I know what's true and real. I can share my experiences and bring it out of the shadows.
After 3 months, I was finally cleared to go back to work. When I did, I called my caseworker and told him. He said to bring him my first 2 pay stubs and they would make a decision from there. As expected, I was taken off cash assistance, but they did allow me to keep some of the food stamps. I don't get as much as I did without income, but I don't need that much. I won't lie, it certainly helps to make ends meet. They also let me keep the MassHealth, which is also a relief since I got kicked off my father's health insurance when I turned 26 in September and my job does not offer health insurance. I have 2 chronic health conditions that are easily managed as long as I have access to healthcare. Without that access, it is difficult to function. I continue to work hard at my job and keep looking for a job in the field that I went to school for. I am not lazy, I am not scum. I am a 26 year old woman trying to make it through in this terrible economy.
I don't know if this changes anyone's views. Maybe it doesn't, but maybe you'll think twice before judging others or making careless comments. All I'm saying is we need to find a way to love one another and be kinder. If we each make a small effort to start a dialog, then maybe we can understand and respect each other. This is my small contribution to that dialog. Go out there and start talking.
I love you, Willow.
ReplyDeleteI love you too.
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